change is inevitable.

Things have changed, not tolerance for people who show me they cant & will not go above & beyond for me. I don't need to be blamed & ridiculed for not doing what people assume I'm going to do, be the woman who always goes out of her way, 'just to be nice'. There are few men who have the ability to behave like gentleman anymore. And their are few people who understand what it means to be a friend.

After my big breakup w/ my ex I got a tatto that says,'Change is inevitable' because I knew that our relationship needed a change and that I needed to change. And now I'm a better person for changing & if my ex could've understood that, we'd still be friends. Sometimes looking down at my tattoo, I feel some comfort knowing that change is apart of life & I don't need to be scared. Just like when I found out I had cervical cancer. Change is constant, on going, never ending, inevitable. I fear no break-ups, no cancer, no nothing. There is always a part of myself that doesn't like when things happen & wishes they didn't but it had to.

APARTMENT?!?!

So I just got an apartment and guess what, I have NO FURNITURE! All I have is a bed and clothes. Haha, I havo plastic forks, knives, plates and cups but nothing else. It's a complete mess, I move in in two days (Friday coming up) and I don't even have PG&E set up. I was living on campus in an apartment style kinda thang but all the furniture was provided. I went on the PG&E website, and I'm so lost. Like where the hell is the link that simply says,"I want my lights turned on". That would be SO helpful, haha. With all that being said, pray for me. This weekend is going to be interesting.

I'm going to be a Mommy.

I never thought I'd ever say that.. I'm goin to be a Mom sometime soon & I couldn't be more excited.I'm adopting a kitty from my local shelter. =) But I can't pick which lovely baby I want to take home. I mean honestly, who could pick w/ these little faces looking at you??

Nothing.

"If you expect nothing,
you won't be so disapoointed w/ them
If you expect nothing,
you won't feel like you don't matter
If you expect nothing,
you won't be waiting for a change
If you expect nothing,
they almost can't hurt you.
Unless you expect the best from them.

Protect your heart."

-Lauren P-H

Fun Food.

Whenever I have kids, yearsssss from now. They will get this. Would've been crazy fun when I was a child to have had this!!! I'm actually a little jealous.. Aren't you?

Le Fancy?

Last weekend my best friend Leah came over & we got fancy. Drank some wine, watched a movie, had some girl talk. It was great. =)

FAFI

I feel like this Fafi looks like me for some reason.. Hmm..

my naked girls.

TOO HOT. TOO HOT BABYYYYYY.


KATE MOSS-druggie/model/snow flake




STACEY f'n DASH-model/actress/caramel




RIHANNA-singer/bad girl/milk chocolate




MEGAN FOX-actress/exotic/tannnnn




VANESSA WILLIAMS-40-ish/model/actress/singer/BOMB.com

happy thoughts.

Last last weekend, I went to Chicago for a pre-medical conference. Student National Medical Association. IT WAS GREAT! Learned so much information for my future. Made me feel so empowered! So for the last two or so years of school, I've been majoring in Biology (Pre-Med)(NOT COOL) and I have been struggling! Working two jobs, got sick my freshman & sophomore year, just a MESS! Anywho, I met some cute medical students(so professional haha) and some doctors, gave me some words of advice and just helped me realize that I only need to complete 7, yes SEVEN classes in order to get into medical school and I can major in whatever I want to! So I'm sitting there like what the h?? I could've been an art major this whole time?!? Initially, I was pissed but now I'm relaxed, knowing that I'm healthy, and going to get all A's. Great, amazing, splendid, awesome feeling. =)

I miss her. So much.

My grandmother, Rose Marie Sidney died on June 17th, 2001.We called her Sweet Mama. She was my best friend. Maybe it's the rain but when I woke up this morning, I missed her so so much. I miss our conversations, our fun, our relationship. My mother is a business woman, in and out of airports, here and there. She has a fun spirit but she got that from my grandmother, she was fun 24/7, always wanted to dance, act silly, make jokes. I feel like a lot of my characteristics come from her. Just wish she could see how far I've come; and I'm not even all the way there yet. I know she would be proud. But her physically not being here, is always going to sting a little.

I was semi-adopted by another woman as her grand daughter in 2008.(I decided not to put her name out of discretion for the family) During that time, I felt like a child again, whole again. She really made me feel like I was one of her own and I could have asked for a better adopted grandmother. So when she passed away, I cried, oh shit, did I ever, I cried my eyes out. A lot of people didn't understand how I could've felt that way for a woman who wasn't my blood in such a short amount of time but, it was her spirit, and everything about her. If only I could have done more, been there more..She was a great woman, forever missed.

for the late night.

So just finished washing & blowdrying my hair. I'm in the middle of a deep conditioning and decided to make a little playlist for myself & for you all. Some good songs, I bring these bad boys out when I want to relax in the bath tub. I'm sure you'll get more 'use' out of these songs then me. Haha, way more.

Enjoy!

p.s. Goodnight..

Vegas Anyone?

For my 21st birthday I plan on going to VEGAS! My family has a condo out there so I'm going to stay for 4 days and 3 nights. It will be amazing, I can feel it in my funny bone. Everything will be caught on camera/video so I can remember it for the rest of my life. =) For about 6months now, I've only been drinking wine. It just seems like the right thing to do if I want to drink alcohol. I had the first two years of college to get completed drunk and tired of vodka, rum, ect, ect.. the list goes on. Time to throw the pinky finger up & be a little fancy. So upon arrival in Vegas, I will be stopping by the closest BevMo, Safeway or costco and stocking up on my favorite noir, Red Biciclette and Moscato. I'm so excited and it's only March. AHHH! =)

I'm 21 on July 24th!!

For my 21st birthday I want tickets to go see the Chelsea Lately show. Maybe I should make a list of all the things I want for my birthday, hmmmm. I think I shall!

YO! YO! YO!

Dang, my bad. I forgot I even had a blog for a minute. Haha well, today has been a GREAT day. All of my classes cancelled. Been lounging around my place nekked. (just kidding), cleaning up, organizing, talking to people over the internet, texting and what not. Main reasons why my day is so fantastically stupendous?

1. Over $300 in bank account
2. All of my bills are paid
3. Full gas tank
4. No school today
5. Left over Cheesecake Factory in my fridge (cheesecake too)
6. My best friends are having great day's too!

Now, I'm going to continue this great day by going to safeway and buying some vanilla soy milk for my cereal in the morning, picking up my dry cleaning, and playing some wii fit until I knock. Might be on here a little later just in case something interesting comes up ;)

& this is what I look like rightttttt nowwwwwwwww
(I was yelling, heck yeah I'm happy! & then click)

michael jacksonnn

Best tribute I've seen so far. Should've been at the Grammy's, opening act.

draw.

Kung Fu Panda!!

BRA PURSE!

This was for sure made just for me. Sometimes I dont want to put my bulky phone in my pocket and sometimes when im out at a club or something, I dont feel like carrying a purse so I put it in my bra.. SO I think I have just found the BEST invention everrrrr.

INFO: Mazantri Creations mission is to use ingenuity to provide clever creative ideas that meet the demands of our modern society while providing excellent customer service. We are committed to maintaining the integrity behind the products we provide. We are excited to offer a variety of accessories that can be worn by all shapes and sizes. We offer the Cleavage Caddy for the woman who wants a little lace to accent their attire, and the Cleavage Caddy II for the woman who wants the convenience of the pockets for storage or traveling but doesn’t need the lace.
In providing the service we are presenting we stand behind our products if you are not completely satisfied please return and we will issue a refund.

neat-o

Light Art Performance Photography or LAPP-PRO is a duo from Bremen, Germany. LAPP consists of a JanLeonardo Wallert and Jorg Miedza, who specialize in performance photography. The process is accompanied by music. This art is called "Light Sculpture". Although I dont have the music, it's pretty cool that these pictures are made all from different color lights. Enjoy.

recepie!

So being in college has made me oober resourceful. I take just about nothing for granted. I use everything and the dollar store is pretty much a freaking gift from God himself. So! With all of that being said, I found a good way of making your own cough suppresant/throat soother recepie. I've only tried it once, doesn't taste very nice but cheap cheap cheap. Here ya go.

You need:
•1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
•1/4 tsp ground ginger
•1 T honey
•1 T apple cider vinegar
•2 T water
•small jar (large shot glass =))

So take the small jar/glass add all the ingredients. Shake up real good. & add as much honey for your sore throat as you want. DONE.

Now you just saved $7 from the grocery store. =) your welcome.

underestimated

wisdom.

Do not try to \"find yourself\", you must make yourself. Choose what you want to find meaningful and live, create, love, hate, cry, destroy, fight and die for it. Do not let your life and your values and you actions slip easily into any mold, other that that which you create for yourself, and say with conviction, \"This is who I make myself\".
Do not give in to hope. Remember that nothing you do has any significance beyond that with which imbue it. Whatever you do, do it for its own sake. When the universe looks on with indifference, laugh, and shout back, \"Fuck You!\". Rembember that to fight meaninglessness is futile, but fight anyway, in spite of and because of its futility.
The world may be empty of meaning, but it is a blank canvas on which to paint meanings of your own. Live deliberately. You are free.
- Existentialist on Jan 12, 2010 @ 00:45

jack and jill

Most people have no idea what Jack and Jill of America Inc. really is. And even for me, being a graduate, I still don't really know how to explain it. It's like a group of parents and their children who live in a majority caucasian community who are affluent and want their kids to be around other affluent african american kids like them. Weird right? Well, I personally LOVED it. I was super involved and it was like a totally different world than the life I lived in high school. In high school, I just had a couple close friends, did my homework and went home. With Jack and Jill, I knew everyone and was super involved and loved meeting new people who were apart of it. It was too much fun for me. Wish I would go back to that time w/out the high school aspect of it. =)

b.f.f.e

So this is the lovely Leah Jones and I. I just like to say that I love her, alot. She's my b.f.f.e= my best friend forever and ever. I know it sounds a bit juvinille but she is. Could'nt ask for a better girl friend. That's all. Gotta go to work! Bye.

oh tattoo.

Best tattoo I think I've ever seen. Way to make a bad situation funny. Love it!

soooo...hmm.

Anyone else loose just a little bit of respect for Lauren London? I just heard she gave birth to Lil Waynes baby. I actually thought it was some pro football players baby but come to find out, nope! It's Wayne's. Like I get it but still, just a little gross.

original music.

Normally I HATEEEEE Bay Arean music because its all centered around turf dancing and rapping and being just plain ignorant. But there is this one artist, his name is De'Luv & I he probably makes the BEST music in the Bay Area right now. He makes all of his music from scratch. He starts with a title of a song, then makes a beat off that title. Then once the beat is formatted, he makes the lyrics and sings the hooks. All original and all amazing. He is a talented individual. And if he doesn't make it big before he turns 22 next year, I will be utterly shocked. You should check him out & follow him on twitter if you don't already.

click [here] to listen to one of his songs
OR
click [here] to see him on twitter
OR
click [here] for all his songs on myspace

You will be blown away, I promise.

love my mama.

I've been neglecting you, I'm well aware. However it is for a good reason. I just started a second job about two weeks ago so *clap clap hooray* for me. The reason for my second job is that I could tell my mom was struggling a little bit with paying my tuition and bills for the house so I decided I would get a second job so I could work a total of 37hrs per week & pay for some of the bills she needs help with.
I've always felt like "the man of the house" because my family situation wasn't all that structured and/or stable as far as the male figure in my life was concerned. (I'm wording it this way because I'd like to keep some things private). So, in light of all this, I've always done more than what was expected of me around the house. Did most of the chores, helped my brother with school/sports stuff & always had a job and tried my best to take care of my mom because I believed she deserved shouldn't have to worry so much about everything. I wanted to take the weight off her shoulders a little bit. Ya know??
Anywho, I feel like since I've been in college&away from home, I've slacked off on trying to help my mom & I woke up one day like, damn, I need another job. So now I get paid like $300 every week and its working out good. Both jobs aren't all that easy but im making it work with my school schedule. I just hope my grades stay above a 3.4gpa. Pray for me! =/

p.s. take a look at that pic, I got a hot mama =)

hilarious!!!

just for you.

I'm a veryyyyy visual person. It's so much easier for me to learn/remember things after I see it. So thats what I want to project on my page. I want you to see or at least have an idea of what I'm talking & bitching about. I want to stimulate your occipital lobe & cerebral cortex a little bit. This is for all of my visual people out there.. Hope you like it.

deep breath.

Rosario Dawson =)
*aow aow*

all day.

I swear this is how I've been feeling all day. Everything in my room keeps hiding from me today! Trid to leave for class, couldn't find my keys. They were behind my bed, how? I have no clue. Came back from class, wanted to chill & watch some tv, where's my remote?? In a drawer. And I'm pretty sure if I had any puzzles, some pieces would end up in a purse or some crap like that.

cute kid!

Even though I have no idea what my kids will come out looking like, I sure as hell hope they're as cute as Halle Berry's daughter Nala!!!! Just look at her, beautiful little girl.

make your own

Since fresh. year of college, it seems as if my ca$h flow has been less & less. SO in my time of need, I decided that I was going to start making my own dresses instead of paying upwards of $40 for somethingin I'm probably only going to wear a couple times. So far, I've made a skirt and four dresses. All good so far! It's all something hella ordinary that you might see at forever 21 & the stitching is amazing to the naked eye, just don't look hella close. haha. But it's nothing I want to take further than my own personal wardrobe. I don't want to make dresses for people & get paid, nah. I just want to look cute for cheap.So, I thought this dress made out of newspaper was a great representation of what I'm talking about. Although, my dresses aren't made out of paper, just vintage clothes.

fyi.

"The ability to be happy is nothing other than the ability to come to terms with how things change"

-goodnight

entertainment.

This is pretty neat-o. After watching it for a while, kinda suprises me that its actuallly all a collection of wall art. Still, pretty sweet.

pretty ironic.

Being that I'm going into the medical field and have wanted to be a doctor all my life, this is crazy!!! I personally don't know if I could service someone who obviously hated me. Not for who I am but for the color of my skin. But then again as a doctor, you can't judge people for what they believe, you just need to treat their illnesses. Maybe this is unconsciously one of the reasons why I want to work with babies and not with adults. Adults are SO opinionated and ignorant sometimes as this picture proves! But I do have mad respect for these nurses. They really showed some mercy & kindness by even working on this guy, regardless if he ended up surviving or not. I can't honestly say that I would be able to do the same. Bravo ladies.

malfunction.

This is one of the reasons why I hate computers & electronics in general. I get these type of pop ups ALL the time on my computer. Why??? HELL, I don't know! Can you tell me?? What does this pop up even mean? Why are computers so complex? I just need to type papers, go on the internet, skype, save files & watch movies. I barely have an ipod so itunes? Don't need it. Oh and it can't be slow, I need that high speed internet. Now find me a computer like that!

you got a fetus too?

Now is it just me or does it seem like A LOT of people are popping out kids recently? Since I work at a mall I suppose I see the bulk of them BUT I've been noticing people's twitter&facebook statuses slowly change from 'party party party!' to 'gotta go get some diapers, brb'.. WHAT?? I'm only 20yrs old & some of my graduating classmates are working on their 2nd baby. I DONT GET IT! Was Walgreens all out of your Trojan Ecstacy's? Or maybe you just got bored one day & thought to yourself, 'HEY! Why don't I get pregnant?' Hahaha, I have no idea. Babies are a beautiful thing & if your currently pregnant, SCORE! I'm just wondering why there are so many fetus's roaming around recently.

youGOboy!

My mother has worked for the Coca-Cola Company for about 20years now & I think she'd be proud to know that at least someone really really enjoys a cold coke.=/

HIV/AIDS

I know I'm always joking and playing around but in reality, I have always wanted to be a doctor (Neonatologist) & that's the only reason why I'm in school. I want to help babies live long lives. So I'm always in the news looking for interesting medical stories&articles. I feel as if a lot of people are so oblivious to the fact that it is really really easy to catch HIV now. Just going raw ONE TIME can mess up your entire life. Thats being really extreme but you need to get tested regularly (every 4-6mnths) depending on how many partners you bump&grind with.

What I'm sure most of you didn't know is that even with the life-streatching miracle HIV meds that the doctors give you, they are now starting to fail us. A group of Malawians who were born w/ HIV & have been treated since birth are now in their late 20's suffering because the same medicine (antiretroviral therapy) that is suppost to save their life is now failing (a high-level nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitor first-line resistance among Malawians). Stanford University (Go Cardinals) is doing a TON of research on how to change certain dosages and maybe mix & match different drugs but its all undergoing testing.

This type of stuff really irritates me because by using condoms, the rate of infections would have decreased by the millions. Its just sad knowing that people have to suffer and the things that they were hoping to save their life, are turning against their own bodies. I hope the scientists & doctors figure something out. If there are any new updates, I'll let ya'll know =) Thanks for reading.

the child in me.

Just like almost everyone else in this world, I really like Family Guy. Peter is a dummy and Lois is a slut. Stewie is always trying to kill Lois w/ that cute little english accent (wish I had one) & then the other characters are blah. (Chris & Meg).
But my ALL TIME FAVORITE cartoon is CHOWDER!! Yes, Chowder & if you don't watch it, you should. It's hilarious. (Chowder is the one in the purple hat) It comes on the cartoon network all the time & I promise, you'll love it.

i admit.

I'm not original. Heck, it says im not original in the about me section. I'm a combination of white girl meets oakland w/ a little bit of road rage & sour patch kids(sour then sweet). But regardless of putting myself into a certain category of people, I'd rather just say I'm a woman. Yes, I don't pay for all of my bills because my mother has a good job but I do pay for two of them & I do feel like being a full time student and working part time to pay my little bills is a big deal. I work hard for the grades I get and I work hard for the money I get.

I remember my last relationship, totally head over heels in full blown love/lust alla that. Lasted for like 4 years on & off. Amazing man but our problems w/ one another couldn't be solved & we both gave up trying to make it work after a while. ANYWHO, I remember always trying to be the woman HE needed me to be, not the woman I wanted to be. Now that we've been apart for a little over a year, I've finally narrowed down who I want to be & how I want to live my life regardless of who I'm in a relationship with. Finally I let go of the irrational thinking & now take time to react. I leave lying to the little girls & actually learn from the mistakes I do make now (& have made). Now I actually feel like I'm capable of being the woman I want to be while being the woman 'my man' needs me to be as well. And I'm crazy proud of myself.

Just had to get that off my chest.=)